Thursday, 30 June 2016

Happy 18th To Me!

Hi all,

It's a very surreal feeling actually, to think that I am now officially an adult and that life is going by so quickly. How have I already been alive for 18 years? It's a little mental to think about - time is just flying by! My Birthday also means that it is now halfway through the year which is something else that is a little bit crazy when you think about it.

Because we are halfway through the year I've decided to make a few changes in my life - big and small ones. Although I would never admit it to my friends and family (sorry guys if you're reading this) I haven't been the happiest person the past few months (2015 too, but I'm not going into that). Semester one of university was hard and I think that was for many many different reasons and so it's time to change. I had a class which I absolutely hated but foolishly decided not to drop because I figured it was just me adjusting to uni but that was definitely not it. I'm not talking to my best friend and as I've now finished school I have hardly seen any of my good friends which really sucks. I won't lie to you, I was super lonely. Walking in the city on your own and realising you probably won't see anyone you know all day is not a fun thought to have and I hate it. I think me being so unhappy for the past few months was a combination of a lot of little things and so I have decided:

The end of 2016 is about me being happy.

You may or may not recall that I was doing a double degree in Journalism/Arts, and that I was majoring in International Relations and French. I've kept the journalism but I have decided to completely change my other two majors because I just wasn't enjoying it. International Relations is the aforementioned loathed class (there were so many tears over those essays) and while I enjoyed French and learning another language, they just go way too fast at a university level and it is all just sticking to the criteria which sucks all the enjoyment out of it. SO. I have changed my majors to Ancient History/History and English Literature and I am now really looking forward to next semester.

Next change of the year is to see my friends more often. We are all in different places right now (some in different states) but I spend three days of the week in the same city as most of them and so I think I need to make more of an effort to go and see them. Hopefully if I can see a couple of them regularly I won't feel so lonely all the time.

I also need to accept that things aren't always going to go the way I planned and that it is okay to do something that wasn't like I imagined. That's pretty scary for me. No seriously, on the train into uni I will plan my way out and as I'm walking in I go to change my mind and I physically cannot do it. I think it's time to work on that.

Most importantly though, I think I need to find some sort of happiness or self-worth or something within myself and make myself happy. Because at the end of the day everyone has their own lives and problems and the only person who is always going to be there all the time is me. Basically, by the end of the year I want to be able to walk through Brisbane on my own and not feel like shit.

And on that cheery note I'll tell you about my Birthday! Mum woke me up nice and early because she had to go to work, and we did presents then (look out for my Birthday haul over the next few days) and then my Grandparents took my sister and I out for lunch which was lovely. We went to Hogs Breath Cafe down at Caloundra and I really enjoyed my lunch.

They came round for afternoon tea (cake!) but I forgot to take photos of that. After they had left, I had a delicious dinner with Mum, Dad and Kiara. It's tradition in our house that on your Birthday you can choose whatever you want for dinner - this year I chose spare ribs with loaded potatoes and salad. With homemade coconut panna cotta for dessert with strawberry and raspberry coolie which was so delicious!

Thanks for listening to my rambles and I hope I haven't made you too jealous with that panna cotta!